And Bibby didn’t come home

Previously ……… The starting point: Vol. 1 — Every thought is with the kid

—  Vol. 3  —

Flash forward — Two events which compelled me to face the keyboard again, after finding it so difficult.

Tuesday night, May 22, 2012 …

“Mountain lion killed in downtown Santa Monica”

We live in the mountains and rarely see these. Is a mountain lion like a “cougar” in the vernacular? “Hot dirty mountain lion working her magic in Hollywood — next on TMZ!!!!”

Bibby is missing and I’m hoping something like that didn’t get her. She usually comes in when it’s still daylight and rarely goes off like this. It’s 11 pm and this is not good. Pouring rain, started about 45 minutes ago. Again, not good. No clue where she is. I let her out around 4:30 pm. Gone.

She was inside, then I had a weird feeling because she was so eager to get back out. It told me she wanted to finish whatever it was she was exploring earlier and I needed to keep an eye on her. We did, no sign of her anywhere.

At this point, she’s stuck, trapped or worse. The rain would have had her scrambling home. Downpour, to the extent that I was checking storm drains and watching a foot of water moving at about 20 feet per second. If she got caught in that, she’s gone.

Of course, I didn’t put her collar on — figures — but I always joke that that’s usually just so they can identify the body. A few years ago, she was out past dark and got cornered by a dog. I could hear it happening but couldn’t get there in time. She tore her ACL trying to escape and remembers these things. Found her in the middle of the lawn, crawling back home on three legs. One would think she’d be making a move to get home now, if she could. Not liking the scenario.

If it’s raining she may be hiding and waiting for it to pass. We couldn’t find ours and a day or two later I heard him in our neighbors basement/crawl space. He was covered in cobwebs. She’s likely somewhere rather than dead. Keep me updated. I have faith she shall return in good time!

Wish I was as confident. I’ve looked everywhere. I’m expecting, if/when she does show up, she’ll be in rough shape. I thought I heard her earlier but can’t be sure. She’s Mensa smart, so that’s on her side. Hopefully sheltered somewhere and by morning she appears. I fully expect to be bringing her to emergency the moment we find her and hope to hell we’re able to. Jules went to bed and I’m going back out to search now. Not really sure where I can look that I didn’t check in daylight.

Wednesday morning, May 23, 2012 …

Any word on Bibby?

Nothing. I was up most of the night looking for her in the rain. Went out at dawn and twice since. Have posters up and emailed surrounding neighbors. Talked to a few but she wouldn’t have gone that far from the house. Jules has already lost hope and I’m bordering on it. She either got bitten by something and is laying somewhere or got taken by something and is gone. Or she crawled into something and got trapped. I call for her and nothing. If she could hear me, I’d hear her.

I don’t know what to do. I’m calling local animal hospitals and shelters plus animal control but I have a hard time believing someone picked her up and brought her someplace so quickly.

A sad reality is starting to set in. Jules is praying, losing hope. I’m teetering. This morning, Jules said this wasn’t the way she wanted to say goodbye and is completely despondent, knowing she didn’t get the chance.

She couldn’t have gotten far. If she were lying somewhere, birds would gather, flies; someone in the neighborhood would have seen something by now — CSI realities but true. Talked to a neighbor who’s lived here 12 years and she’s never seen a coyote or bobcat in the development. They’re around, just not this close.

So the question is, where the fuck is she? I’m thinking she might have crawled into something and got locked in. Putting flyers in people’s mailboxes, asking them to check. Supposed to be 82 degrees today and 90 by the end of the week.

I’ve walked corners of this neighborhood I’ve never seen before, areas I’d normally avoid — no idea what’s living in these spots. I’ve seen snakes, rabbits, heard things move where you’re not sure what it was but the sound alone freaks you out — but I can’t leave any area unchecked.

We’re going to a Dave Matthews concert tonight and have standing room tickets in the pit. Never this close to the stage and we’ve been looking forward to this for months. We’d give the tickets away if we could, just the last thing on our minds.

As much as I hear stories about cats coming back after several days, I have no answers for this anymore. She’s 10 and we’ve had her all but 6 months of that. From the moment we met, she’s been the oldest daughter — the glue and, if you ask her, the household runs only due to her involvement. Can’t say what happened but we take turns being puddles and I’m no longer a shoulder of strength when it comes to this. We’re family and I can’t go through this twice in eight months.

I need to lay down for an hour or so. On fumes.

Maybe it’ll help to get out, clear your minds. Attack the search refreshed when you return. Go out and enjoy yourselves.

Can’t sleep. Going to take another look around, put flyers in more mailboxes. People are coming home, opening garage doors so maybe she pops out from somewhere.

Alright, well stand strong. Cry in the dark basement or in the car. That’s what I do.

Kind of what I’m doing. I’m not going to be in good shape if she doesn’t come back. If she’s hurt, I’ll mend her. I’d love to be her nurse, just need her back home. As it is, I can’t focus on sleeping and am talking a strong exterior with Jules, when I could lose it any moment. Talking to neighbors and my voice is cracking constantly.

Jules is saying that God doesn’t want us to have three cats and I still think there is no God after what happened to Carlisle. I am so firmly a non-believer at this point — karma is bullshit and so is faith. I do nice and Carlisle doesn’t get a second chance, Bibby goes missing? Might as well piss on the world because what’s the difference? They still don’t come back. I question what the lesson is that I’m supposed to be learning.

Bibby still has to be out there but she’s clocked through most of her nine lives, I get that. I don’t know if we’ll ever learn what happened but looking out the window and walking the yard, I expect to see her and that doesn’t seem to be possible anymore, so my ability to have faith in most things goes poof in the wind. I don’t understand anything anymore and don’t care to. There are reasons for everything but NOTHING will make sense of what we’ve gone through and continue to go through with these purely loving dudes.

Jules is convinced that Bibby is gone and has been since early in the process. I’m not sold yet.

Not sure what to say now that this much time has past. Do you have foxes? You mentioned coyotes and, yes, they will take cats IF they can catch them. Usually cats are too smart and nimble. Maybe someone has her? Any bad blood on the block? Sorry, just thinking out loud. It’s just bizarre. I’ve seen hawks take pigeons and rodents, but cats are instinctual and choose to walk close to the perimeters or trees so its rare but not impossible. Any large birds there? What type of snakes? We know how devastating this is and are thinking about you both … and Bibby. The hardest part must be not knowing what the hell happened. At this point, good or bad, some idea would help to ameliorate a very bad situation. Very sorry.

ARCHIVES: Follow Lost kittens find their way home. Updates to follow.

Next episode: Vol. 4 — No stopping now, this is the playoffs

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