Donald Trump & The Accidental Birther

1. Does he make shrewd business decisions and learn from mistakes?
2. Is there a finer promoter of his own brand?
3. WTF is that thing on his head?

If you answered “yes,” “no” and “I don’t have the slightest idea. I think it starts on his upper back and grows up and over the top like a bougainvillea, but your guess is as good as mine,” then you understand yourself some Donald. If you’re asking me what type of Democrat he’d be as a Republican or how much he’d donate to his opponent in the heat of campaign, I don’t have a freaking clue. Sorry.

I do like that he talks straight, wears his balls on the outside and doesn’t need a staff of wordsmiths grooming the perfect 15-minute answer to a yes or no question. How non-politically refreshing is that? Sure, some of it’s batshit crazy but that doesn’t make it any less refreshing. Does he have presidential timber? There’s a good chance that we’re about to find out.

There’s a jealously that blasts these multi-millionaires for attempting to purchase political office but I like that. Leave us the hell out of it and if you lose, YOU lose. This is your thing, dude. I’d rather someone spend their own cash and not owe countless names and faces who gave large donations with promises attached — that’s how faith in the system begins to go to shit. Meg Whitman mentioned this along the way of spending 160 million of her own dollars and, as Dennis Miller said, if she didn’t look so much like “Randy Quaid in that bowling movie,” more people might have voted for her. It doesn’t mean you’ll be a better governor or president, it just assures that you’re not daisy chaining people you normally wouldn’t have coffee with or let near your children.

What were we talking about?

Trump. He needs a real platform. He can’t just run on the birth certificate and waging a trade war with China. I like his approach of having countries pay us for saving their ass. Writing us a check is probably the least they could do. He says he wants to take oil from Libya?? Take it?!! That in itself tells me it’s a stunt, he isn’t running.

Did you see the poll that questioned whether Trump was born in America? They put that out there as a buffer of hilarity, to make the Obama number more reasonable. The USA Today poll said 38% were positive the president was born in the United States but this also means that 62% aren’t. That’s stunning. It was 62% in the other direction two years ago, now it’s flipped. That’s called a “spike.”

So this same poll asks about Trump’s birthplace and 57% aren’t so sure about him either. Who wouldn’t answer yes on that? Why the hell not? Of course, he was actually born in Kenya too! And, like Obama, his mom was also white — just in Donald’s case, really, really, really white, hence the difference in pigmentation. Otherwise, they’re of identical heritage and Trump is simply projecting, hoping to take the heat off his own birthplace issues and highlighting the same of Obama in order to protect his own story. It’s genius, really. If this blonde Mombasa-born New York business mogul can concoct all this, he really might make a good president.