The Dream Police who live inside of my head just entered my colon without a warrant
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) March 26, 2011
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There’s never an easy way to tell a good friend that you think his grandmother has a nice ass.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) December 22, 2011
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Test driving a Jeep Compass and the fucking thing keeps facing north. No idea how to get back to the dealership.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) July 1, 2012
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Daredevil Nik Wallenda walks tightrope across Niagara Falls, Evel Knievel rolls over in grave – breaking collarbone, shoulder, several ribs.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) June 22, 2012
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Paris Hilton makes DJ debut. I saw her BJ debut online, must have missed her CJ debut but can only guess that’s short for “cranberry juice.”
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) June 26, 2012
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The Cubs have a player called Kosuke Fukudome and I always confuse his name with the indoor stadium where we used to film porn
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) April 8, 2011
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Wife asked me if Ricky Martin has officially come out. I answer “yes, just now, in that outfit.”
#grammys— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) February 14, 2011
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Saturday evening recap: 5 pm — everyone starts drinking. 10:25pm — Gregg asks how to make napalm.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) August 7, 2011
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Good news: Chevy Volt outsells Nissan Leaf 2-to-1 in February 2012!! Bad news: Literally, two Volts and one Leaf.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) March 3, 2012
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HER: I’m Gladys KnightME: I’m glad it’s night too.HER: No, I’M Gladys KnightME: Yes, I’m also a night person.HER: You’re an asshole.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) April 7, 2012
Inspired by and dedicated to Angela Cox, 1955-2012
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