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Social media votes in 2012

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It’s true, 2008 was considered the “social media election” — and that’s partly because social media only existed on a small scale previously. If you’re comparing it to 2004, that’s like saying Christopher Columbus hadn’t yet found America in 1488, mainly because he wasn’t on Facebook (which totally would have helped set up friendships ahead of his arrival in Hispaniola).

“You’re a mutual friend of Queen Isabella? Yeah, I’ll totally friend you.”

Four years ago, who imagined they’d create the iPad — only to make the damn thing smaller (or larger, if you just got the iPhone 5). Back when George W. Bush was president, Goldfish were not yet Flavor Blasted, so a lot of serious changes have gone down since 2008. Just look at Simon Cowell’s face.

Only a million Facebook users in 2004, compared to a billion today. That’s like more, or something.


As the infographic below details, popularity on Facebook will actually get you elected. Today, most candidates are on Facebook and Twitter and most — especially females — have learned to not correspond with constituents using dick pics. Some still do but, hey, it’s just how they roll.

All joking aside, don’t underestimate the importance of Anthony Weiner showing one for the team. In this election season, it’s highly unlikely we’ll find a penis-laden DM mistakenly sent as a suggestive tweet behind the back of a pregnant wife. But this is wonderful news! Just think, some of the older Republican candidates are still sending Polaroids of their genitals by mail.

We’ve come a long way, baby.

The fact is, a vast majority of voters now receive the bulk of their election news from the internet. It helps when most handheld devices also deliver instant pornography, therefore most cellphone users are reluctant to relax the device from a five-finger grip. That it also delivers details useful in the ability to decide who’ll lead the future of this nation, that’s just a bonus.

Thinking ahead, it’s only logical to assume that, in four years, most pornography will feature carefully-crafted product placement for presidential candidates — maybe a logo condom [vote NO on Measure B, California] or a money shot that spells a candidate’s name, I’m just brainstorming here.

Imagine the primaries and all those third-party debates, featuring actual porn stars! Be honest, you don’t know all their names. Fact check all you want. For all we know, some of them could be.

Voters in 2012 are more apt to use social networks to share information, and these individuals are becoming the new media. As little as five elections ago, we relied on newspapers and network broadcasts; four elections ago, cable news. Now we rely on each other — that’s the nature of today and beyond.

People in the old media are freaked out about this. If you’re a professor at NYU, write for the Huffington Post and think that Twitter is wrecking the elections, you’re probably worried that most people on Twitter are laughing wildly in your face (they are).

Social media is where it’s at. The point is, whether you’re following @SoapyJohnson on Twitter or liking Place it on Lucky Dan on Facebook, there’s a good chance you’re also telling friends about doing both. This, too, is the nature of today’s social media — networking.

Time is moving quickly. The prospect of 2012 being the “new” social media election only means that 2016 will be the year where memory implants answer exit poll interviews when respondents break wind in the general direction of the person holding the clipboard. And good for them, because the breath on some of these 2012 voters is said to be horrible. Just wait four years, it gets worse.

Fart away, my friends. Fart away.

infographic created by: Open-Site.org.

>> Follow: @SoapyJohnson on Twitter.

>> Comment: Place it on Lucky Dan on Facebook.

© 2012, Soapy Johnson. All rights reserved.

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