You need me to guide you through the tough times ,shit look at the price of gas
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 18, 2012
Shit is right, Mr. Canseco. Shit is right.
There’s more to it, not important now.
Canseco’s autobiography, “Juiced,” originally injected our knowledge base with a vision of clubhouse life we previously only suspected, the author having first injected himself repeatedly as a pioneer and co-founder of Major League Baseball’s steroid frontier.
Everyone deserves a second chapter.
Recently signed by the Worcester Tornadoes and able to smell a good Kenny Powers backstory when he smells one, @JoseCanseco and Twitter would seem an odd mix of train wreck and megaphone. Yet, in tweet, this Bash Brother shines.
Some idiot set himself up by saying I was a tool then I said that’s why I screwed your wife ,get it — Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 24, 2012
Okay, “shines” might be a stretch … educates, postulates — don’t be a hater. Allow Jose to swing from his wheelhouse, lecture on the influence of climate change: dangerous anthropogenic and natural forces, as they relate specifically to passenger liners sinking in the North Atlantic Ocean more than a century ago.
Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved titanic. Sad to say
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 15, 2012
You clowns it’s very simple. With global warning the weather is hotter so the icebergs would be melted and titanic saved.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 15, 2012
There was no moon the night Titanic sunk and the crew had 37 seconds to react before they collided with an object roughly the size of a football field. Slightly off-course but rare for icebergs to be that far south, there’s probably an iPhone app available today and Siri would guide the ship to safety.
Let’s not nitpick, what would have really saved Titanic is satellite navigation; radar for collision avoidance and object-detection; lifeboats (how ’bout that?); the Navy, Coast Guard; changes in ship design and safety practices; helicopters for rescues and stuff. Plus the Avengers.
The problem with Dr. Canseco’s thesis is that global warming would produce even more icebergs, you know, with the heat and all? Isn’t that the thing? This is where they insert the video of melting glaciers and polar bears swimming for an available ice block (presumably because its home is now floating somewhere near the equator, seeing as you decided to microwave a burrito or drive to work).
But global temperatures have been falling due to La Nina cooling. Even at the height of it, the concern pointed to an air temperature increase of +1.33°F since 1912ish.
Water was 34°F when Titanic sank. When one degree of air temperature mocks your swimming pool thermometer, why should the North Atlantic be concerned? Might as well toss a bottle of food coloring in while you’re at it, see what that does.
Concede the point and raise the sea temp to 35.33°F — that isn’t melting any iceberg, Jack still dies of hypothermia and Rose is left floating on a door. Worst off, Celine still sings that f-ing song. Again and again and again.
At least Canseco knows the sinking of Titanic was real, not just a movie. A warning, most of these people vote …
‘Just found out Titanic really happened!’ The tweeters who thought world’s most famous shipwreck was just a film — Daily Mail
Tim McCarver Blames Global Warming For The Increase In Major League Home Runs — Deadspin
Moisture would only make the air heavier, therefore allowing fewer long balls. This would only seem to make sense, but take it from an actual climatologist.
Getting back to “Juiced,” maybe steroids had something to do with it too, Tim. Also, home runs are actually down in the last five years (in comparison to the late-1990s and early 2000s), now that some of these guys are on trial.
When the answer can be anything it needs to be, there’s no point in asking the questions. Global warming allows a person to tackle complex environmental science with a two-word answer and very little understanding of the subject but sounding as if there’s a chance there might be. Sometimes one goes experimental, says it’s dinosaur farts. Or one of a million other things …
People like Tim make it even worse for people like Jose.
McCarver should know better — keep that sort of thing on Twitter, not a national telecast. You’re in the business of talking, but that’s what we’ve come to expect. Throw a dart in a crowd, it’ll land on someone preferable in the broadcast booth.
At least he has friends on his side and they have his back.
Timmy McCarver knows global warming is real when he left baseball to join media he raised avergae IQ of both
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 1, 2012
That doesn’t even make sense.
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