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Janeane Garofalo’s true ideological grit

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Loved it.

Me too. I cringed when I first heard they were remaking it. I read the book when I was a kid and saw the original in the theatre, if that gives you a hint at why I now need glasses to read a restaurant menu.

Coen Brothers can write and direct!! Cause for concern if Michael Bay is making it. You can take Joel and Ethan to the bank.

They did what they set out to do, make a better film than the original; a proper telling of the book. John Wayne cast a very large shadow, not much Kim Darby and Glen Campbell could do. That presence runs counter to the nature of the story — it’s about Mattie Ross, not Rooster Cogburn. Hallie Steinfeld was the equalizer. I would have loved seeing her and Matt Damon partnered with The Duke, no offense to The Dude. Michael Bay would have had the horses explode when they hit the ground:

“Fill your hands, you son-of-a-Decepticon!”

I was going to like the original, no question. I was a big Glen Campbell fan in 1969, he was my Bieber. First album I owned was Gentle on my Mind. He has a farewell tour in the fall and his final album later this month.

I found a review of one of his recent shows and it trashed him, unaware he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It said he messed up lyrics and chords, apparently at one point asking the band who wrote a timeless classic only to find out that he did. It’s sad.

Just wait until 2052, when today’s 12-year old girls speak fondly of their Justin and his losing battle with syphilis, which at the time will be the leading cause of death among Ontarian males who think they’re black.

Speaking of 12-year olds — see what I did there? — Hailee Steinfeld ruled this thing. The movie fails to work unless she carries every scene and she does. She’s “Body By Jake’s” niece or something.

Hailee was absolutely amazing. Technically proficient and soundly entertaining. A rarity for any actor, let alone a 14-year old — 12 when they filmed. Either ignorance is bliss or she’s a superstar. Time will tell.

Dakin Mathews, who plays Stonehill (the guy who barters with Mattie at the beginning of the movie), was my acting teacher. Whatever. Trivia.

She shares my birthday. I’m a mere 26 years her senior. Sadly, she was a mere 1 year old when I moved to Los Angeles. Christ, has that much time passed? Born in ’96, apparently she had a better plan and agent. Slot machine, Hollywood is.

Did I mention she’s Body By Jake‘s niece? I just love saying that. Knowing how little caché that carries tells you how immensely talented and skillful she is as an actor. “I’m Body by Jake’s niece” doesn’t exactly get your number called any sooner. As for you, my friend, I’ve seen your work and can vouch for its quality. Your timing is spot-on, you cut a fine image on screen and your versatility is underappreciated. What you need is a better uncle.

Might I suggest: Gilad, the Bodies in Motion guy.

BTW, I’m watching a June episode of Real Time with Bill Maher and Janine Garafalo is a guest. I can only hope I spelled her name wrong. She’s so overly supportive of Anthony Weiner, it’s creepy. The story’s been blown out of proportion, she says. We need to support him because he’s strong for the cause and she hopes he’s mayor of NYC one day. [Less than a week later, he resigns].

Even Maher rolls his eyes and she never has the crowd. When you veer so deep into absurdity that a Real Time audience moans, your train has lost grip with the tracks. You’re on your own. It’s one thing to embrace life with a willing suspension of disbelief, another to display total obliviousness to reality and yet another to do so on prime time HBO.

Granted, we have the benefit of hindsight but it doesn’t change the motive: minimize pathetic, irresponsible and lewd behavior, all because he’s a champion progressive. She’d never accept this from a Republican, possibly many Democrats. “It’s not his fault,” she says. Did she say the same about David Wu and the tiger suit? Weiner was an important chess piece; Wu’s a pawn.

Side note: it’s an all liberal panel, but Bill says it’s okay because he wanted to vent about conservatives anyway. Unchallenged, they conclude that Republicans are blinded by ideology.

Janine points out that he didn’t break any laws (he did, using his office), it’s the fault of the media and Republicans for not letting the story die and all he showed was a bulge in his pants. Maher brings her up to speed about the leaked Full Monty jpeg and she has no idea it exists. It’s Friday night — the pic everyone’s talked about since Wednesday morning –not a single clue it’s out there. A picture of his penis has been circling the internet for the last 55+ hours — key information when defending any man on a cable TV show.

Jane Lynch does a hilarious bit with Bill, reading Weiner transcript verbatim. She sits with the panel and essentially says the same thing — Weiner’s a pitbull and so what? It’s just his dick, who cares?

Unbeknownst to everyone, just moments after the show goes live, news breaks that Weiner had been texting the 17-year old daughter of a Delaware family and a police deputy was currently on the scene for questioning. Watching on June 10, you could have flipped back and forth from “nothing to see here” to aerial coverage of the Delaware home. In his admission, Weiner had said “to the best of my knowledge,” when asked if all the girls were of age. This was the cue, when most rational-minded Democrats sought lifeboats and began rowing far, far away from a sinking ship — hoping he’d resign and/or just go the fuck away. Within 24 hours, party royalty including Nancy Pelosi are calling for him to go.

Well, at least he didn’t show his dick, it was just a bulge. He did show his dick? Well, it still doesn’t matter. It’s not like he’s talking to underage girls. Oh, he WAS talking to underage girls? Well, at least he isn’t killing them, like a Republican would do. Republicans will kill underage girls and not even give it a second thought, because they have no soul. What? Weiner WAS killing underage girls and sold his soul to Satan? Even more reason we should support him for mayor …

Willing to overlook E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, because he’s valuable to the cause. This is the ideological pot calling the ideological kettle blind, blasting opponents for what she’s demonstrating in real time on Real Time. Talk about projection. And nobody seems to have any idea it’s happening.

Weiner was always a prick (rimshot). If you liked him, you still knew, deep-down, he was an asshole. But he was YOUR asshole. You wanted him on the front lines; you needed him on the front lines — because he’s an asshole. Arrogant as the day is long. Lying about his account being hacked and to everyone who supported him and still treating CNN reporters like dogshit. Saying he’s answered the question four times already, when he not only hadn’t answered it once, he dodged the question four times — this is what Janeane was fighting for.

On the other hand, I’m reminded of a recent mention of GOP sex scandals without sex [Congressman closes the book on Charlie] and score one for the Dems! The cheaters who don’t get any, always the most pathetic. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

And Gurafolo is a joke, she’ll make concessions all the way. I think I misspelled her name too. I saw some of the clips and I don’t think she believes it. She tries to sell it but Olivier couldn’t sell that. The air left the room the more she went on and she had to feel that. Come on! You’re an actor! Fake it if you have to.

Now the Herman Cain/Tea Party thing. Will she only give these interviews to Olbermann?

Side note #2: By the end of the show, Maher says that to make up for the lack of balance with the three-person, all liberal panel, next week they’ll have two conservatives. Nobody seems to get the math. Brilliant!

Janine needs more of that Anthony Weiner attitude — take a bulldog approach and more aggressive argument to talk shows with opposing views, where she’ll be asked a flurry of follow-up questions and not be allowed to hit the ball off a tee, out of respect for the depth of her ideas. Maybe a trip to the Midwest, introducing her template at a Tea Party event, saying something like:

This is not about bashing Democrats. It’s not about taxes. You have no idea what the Boston Tea Party was about. You don’t know your history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. You are nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks.”

She’ll say this to Olbermann. Now she tells Keith that Herman Cain is only in the race due to self-loathing, that or he’s paid by a phantom GOP heavyweight, in order to prove the party isn’t all the stereotypical labels she’s already assigned to it. This is not so much doubling-down as it’s refusal to deny a pre-determined theory. Conservatives are dumb and/or racist, no need to dig deeper than that. Next Olbermann appearance, we’ll learn that Cain’s great-great-grandfather was one of the Amistad captives who fought for their freedom, only to eventually be sold as a slave to ancestors of the original Tea Party founders.

“The wicked flee when none pursueth.” Proverbs 28:1

Her words: “anytime I see a person of color or a female in the Republican party or the conservative movement or the Tea Party, I wonder how they could be trying to curry with the oppressors.” At best, it’s condescending: saying that blacks and women are incapable of thinking for themselves; even worse, they lack a moral compass, seeing as they’ll so easily prostitute their beliefs for money. Based on the color of your skin, Janeane Garofalo presumes that you should think a certain way — the most glaringly racist aspect of this entire discussion.

Hey look, I spelled it right.

The Tea Party became national in Feb 2009, the same month accusations of racism were reported. For those who feared the movement, this became the narrative. If I understand it correctly, Tea Party members are:

1). so stupid that it took them four months to realize an African-American man had been elected president; 2). not racist enough to vote against said African-American, even though voting for the white guy would have effectively been a “twofer.” Despite turning out in huge numbers in every election since, they skip the big one. Just not worth putting on the robe and hood that day; 3). unaware that party favorites like Cain, Allen West, Marco Rubio, Nikki Haley, Susana Martinez and many more are minorities — because that’s how stupid they are.

It could also be that Janine is wrong. Or obsessed with race. Maybe it’s not close to being as bad as she claims it to be. Even Cain said recently, “if the Tea Party organization is racist, why does the black guy keep winning all these straw polls?”

Sure, there are fringe elements everywhere and some of them are racist. Some are over-eaters. Some don’t look good in khakis. Some fringe elements in Hollywood overwhelmingly base their political belief system on stereotypes, it doesn’t mean that they all do.

My great-grandfather was Jack LaLanne.

No, he wasn’t.

Well, I have one of his Power Juicers. It’s fantastic.

That won’t help you in an audition.

I know, I’ve tried it. And nice touch with the proverb, I had to look it up to see what you did. Do you remember in that same conversation [Congressman closes the book on Charlie], you predicted Charlie Sheen wouldn’t make it past August? Double or nothing for October?

You’re on, but I can’t remember what we were betting.

One complementary hour of Pilates instruction from my aunt Denise Austin.

Well, you really are a man with true grit. You might get a callback after all.

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© 2011 – 2013, Soapy Johnson. All rights reserved.

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