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Donald Trump & The Accidental Birther

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Hey Lucky Dan, is Trump posing as a Republican? His voting record certainly doesn’t look conservative to me. What’s the deal with this guy? Pull back the curtain!

Oh, it’s pulled. To begin, in order to understand Donald Trump, you must ask yourself three questions …

  1. Does he make shrewd business decisions and learn from mistakes?
  2. Is there a finer promoter of his own brand?
  3. WTF is that thing on his head?

If you answered “yes,” “no” and “I don’t have the slightest idea. I think it starts on his upper back and grows up and over the top like a bougainvillea, but your guess is as good as mine,” then you understand yourself some Donald. If you’re asking me what type of Democrat he’d be as a Republican or how much he’d donate to his opponent in the heat of campaign, I don’t have a freaking clue. Sorry.

I do like that he talks straight, wears his balls on the outside and doesn’t need a staff of wordsmiths grooming the perfect 15-minute answer to a yes or no question. How non-politically refreshing is that? Sure, some of it’s batshit crazy but that doesn’t make it any less refreshing. Does he have presidential timber? There’s a good chance that we’re about to find out.

He gave $50,000 to Rahm Emanuel’s campaign last December and that’s exactly what a conservative would do! He said he’s donated so much to Democrats in New York because that’s how you have to get things done, and most of the elected officials there happen to be Democrats. That makes sense, but talk about peeling the curtain back: What better way to explain how greased the system is than to point out the direct benefits of campaign contributions? Taken from a food industry perspective, tips work.


I heard he donated to Harry Reid’s re-election campaign. Must be a Vegas thing. No question, money makes everything happen.

The beauty of Donald Trump running for president, if there’s a crucial primary in a problematic state, he can just buy it. Some of these states are going cheap right now — hell, Harry Reid will give you Nevada if you just promise to keep up with the mortgage. On the flip side, there’s always the fear that a President Trump may eventually grow tired and leave us for a younger, hotter country.

Money is the gateway to power — one buys the other, so that both may thrive. It doesn’t matter if it’s Barack Obama’s fundraising goal of $1 billion for 2012 or the Donald grabbing a billion from the safe behind the fake bookcase in the study, a person elected owes those who got him there. Better to owe yourself.

There’s a jealously that blasts these multi-millionaires for attempting to purchase political office but I like that. Leave us the hell out of it and if you lose, YOU lose. This is your thing, dude. I’d rather someone spend their own cash and not owe countless names and faces who gave large donations with promises attached — that’s how faith in the system begins to go to shit. Meg Whitman mentioned this along the way of spending 160 million of her own dollars and, as Dennis Miller said, if she didn’t look so much like “Randy Quaid in that bowling movie,” more people might have voted for her. It doesn’t mean you’ll be a better governor or president, it just assures that you’re not daisy chaining people you normally wouldn’t have coffee with or let near your children.

What were we talking about?

Trump. He needs a real platform. He can’t just run on the birth certificate and waging a trade war with China. I like his approach of having countries pay us for saving their ass. Writing us a check is probably the least they could do. He says he wants to take oil from Libya?? Take it?!! That in itself tells me it’s a stunt, he isn’t running.

Did you see the poll that questioned whether Trump was born in America? They put that out there as a buffer of hilarity, to make the Obama number more reasonable. The USA Today poll said 38% were positive the president was born in the United States but this also means that 62% aren’t. That’s stunning. It was 62% in the other direction two years ago, now it’s flipped. That’s called a “spike.”

So this same poll asks about Trump’s birthplace and 57% aren’t so sure about him either. Who wouldn’t answer yes on that? Why the hell not? Of course, he was actually born in Kenya too! And, like Obama, his mom was also white — just in Donald’s case, really, really, really white, hence the difference in pigmentation. Otherwise, they’re of identical heritage and Trump is simply projecting, hoping to take the heat off his own birthplace issues and highlighting the same of Obama in order to protect his own story. It’s genius, really. If this blonde Mombasa-born New York business mogul can concoct all this, he really might make a good president.

I’ve noticed that the more Trump stokes the birth certificate and it gains intensity, the more the media asks everybody except the one person who could possibly end this by sending an email attachment. They ask Romney, Huckabee, Palin, Pawlenty. Any GOP candidate announces and it’s sometimes the very first question asked. They all agree – Obama was born in Hawaii — but how are these people the arbiters of truth on this? You might as well ask them if Tom Cruise is gay. It doesn’t matter — their opinion, my opinion, your opinion. It’s not an answer that’s up for interpretation.

You fucking birther. And the question is not, “is Tom Cruise is gay?” — it’s “is Tom Cruise straight?” Your problem, you just can’t accept that a black man is president.

I’d imagine even the most vehement, hardcore racists are over that by now. The birth certificate thing has always been interesting because if the Clintons weren’t able to find anything, it ain’t there. At the same time, refusing to release something so simple plus allegedly spending up to $2 million in legal fees to defend it, there’s legitimate question as to why you’d do that. It would naturally lead one to assume there’s something to protect worth more than $2 million.

The burden of proof is the thing — just release it and it’s over. Clearly, it’s a device designed to make non-believers sound like lunatics. And it works. But without the thing, how do those who use the device have any basis in their argument? What makes their claims any more convincing when neither side has anything beyond words or assurances? “Those who disagree with me are insane and/or racist,” is not a valid attack. How does calling someone crazy prove that you’re right and they’re wrong? No matter where you fall on the issue, only more reason to release the thing.

While you were typing all that, President Obama released the long-form certificate and now Trump is calling for Obama’s college records.

Well that was easy. No question Trump forced the issue, doing the job the media never wanted to do. Seems sort of pointless, everything that led us here. I’m sure there’ll be those who still don’t believe it and others who become lost, unable to label someone a racist at the drop of a hat. I can hear it now …

“It’s not real. It was manufactured” — not the birth certificate, the official White House response to Donald Trump’s hair.

While you were typing all that, Osama bin Laden was killed and the White House is refusing to release the death photo — the definitive piece of concluding evidence that would serve as closure to many around the world.

Here we go again …

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