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with Montana Fishburne as Chippy D

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Q.  Why would Montana Fishburne get into porn to “break” into Hollywood? Isn’t her father one of the premiere A-List players in the business? Surely she could use that back door rather than her own. Given she kept her last name — negating half the fun of discovering your true porn name — I’m suspicious of her motives here. What’s the psychology? What am I missing, Lucky Dan?

A.  You’re overlooking the pride in doing something yourself. This is why Lowes and Home Depot are in business. Michael Douglas always felt he had to work that much harder to separate himself from the enormous shadow cast by father Kirk, the legend. Kirk built the manor, Michael added a wing to one of his own.

Montana Fishburne did things her way and that should be commended. It’s also apparent she has a fondness for anal sex so this might not have been a totally career-based decision. Montana was arrested for prostitution when she was 17, so in many ways porn is a step up.

A vulnerable 18-year old in the midst of a sexual awakening, now checking into a mental facility for anger management issues, it’s been a busy few months — an educational rollercoaster that a slide down the nepotism fire pole can never teach.

Credit a young Nicolas Cage for not taking the easier Coppola route. Following in footsteps or riding a name for an easier path can be essential if talent fails to match reputation. Acting school, learning the craft, studying hard, always hustling opportunity, audition after audition, taking rejection and not letting it break your spirits. Meanwhile, Bridget Fonda breezes into an IMDb page and that we’re not discussing her porn career now just blows my mind.


I read an interview with Tracee Ellis Ross when she scored her big break (UPN’s “Girlfriends“) and she lamented on the scorn associated with being daughter of Diana Ross, in terms of auditioning. “Tracee Ellis” would fix that — or Silberstein, her birth name. The scorn is the likelihood that “Ross” is the highlight of the bio. If the hope is that maintaining a famous name will offer protection from casting couch proposals, Gwyneth Paltrow has pretty much proven that theory is crap.

Using the Fishburne name in that industry is indeed puzzling — no attempt at something fun, like “Felony St. Claire” or “Anita Longcocking.” Chippy D?? That’s the best she could come up with? Not even Sean Combs would run with that — but to sully the family is taking it a step further.

I feel for Laurence because I love the guy, ever since Cowboy Curtis. May be no better role played more perfectly in a great film than “Furious Styles” in Boyz in the Hood. Oscar nom playing Ike Turner, Emmys, a Tony — just more for Montana to poop on. The name is everything and this disrespect appears to be intended.

So why, Montana, why?

Because everybody’s doing it. Tila Tequila, Amy Fisher, Kendra Wilkinson, Heidi Montag, Danielle Staub and Karissa Shannon all decided to profit from sex tapes they had no idea were leaked to Vivid Entertainment with their return addresses on the envelopes. Jenna Jameson isn’t buying these girls as victims but under the veteran leadership of Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, there have been more jobs created, saved or administered by these ladies than the $862 billion stimulus. These vaginal entrepreneurs turned instinct into profit, imagination into reality and gained precious VIP party access in exchange for reputations.

Montana admits, in the process of making her decision, Kim Kardashian was her role model. This is the same as hiring Wesley Snipes as your tax advisor.

With porn, she avoids the grunt work that is actual acting and enters a world where the skill is merely a bonus. How many porn stars are fired from films because they can’t act? You’re in a scene that isn’t working — relax, just start fucking. Imagine she’s having trouble selling her character so Kate Hudson decides to ditch the scene and go down on Owen Wilson. Problem solved. Now picture Owen Wilson’s nose and not think of porn. Can’t be done.

The larger question … why isn’t there a farm system for porn actors to develop their acting skills, then eventually replace established mainstream actors who need to be sent down? Adrian Grenier, the organization has decided to make a change. You could use some innings, more time to work on your game.” Lindsay Lohan may thrive in Triple-A and never care if she makes it back to the show. Suppose Montana focuses on her craft in the minors, develops into a five-tool player and gets promoted — I know it’s never happened before, not the point. The porn league would offer experience as they work on their game while at the same time shield us from overmatched Entourage stars not putting in the effort on the pro level.

Because she only wants to work with the best people. The video for “Oh and it’s Shaved” [NSFW] with porn star/rapper (real name) Brian Pumper. I warn you this song and images will stain your mind for 12-24 hours. Note the ever-shaking booty spliced amidst a mindless rotation of roughly seven scenes that go nowhere:

  • on the steps wearing green plaid
  • camo in front of the couch
  • red suit on a different couch
  • in the studio
  • with the Mercedes
  • pool table wearing the pink wool condom toque
  • back against the graffiti wall

Brilliant. Tickling the boundaries of sexual innuendo and laying down rhymes with an entertaining visual, this project explains Montana’s need for anger management. Pumper is the same dude who starred in her first video, the aptly named “Phattys, Rhymes & Dimes 14,” which her father attempted to buy all copies from Vivid. She released the first tape herself and on purpose, then Pumper released a 2nd tape. Morpheus could only do so much.

Because she’ll get to go to the AVN Awards Show. This would be my guess. I DVR’ed the 2010 AVNs on Showtime and I don’t know why. Of course I know why — I’m still a bit bummed that “Slut Puppies 3” didn’t win for Best Gonzo.

I learned some inside baseball about anal sex (“requires an enema bag and the ability to abstain from food for 24 hours beforehand”) and this was just in the banter leading up to the presentation of an award. Stay classy, Chatsworth.

One actress (her turn at the podium, accepting the award for Best Group Sex Scene) said, “I loved fucking these girls so much. This was the biggest orgy I was ever in and I’d like to thank everyone I had sex with during it. Thank you AVN and everyone in the scene because there was a party in my mouth.” I didn’t edit a single word of that.

During the Female Performer of the Year award presentation, a male actor boasted: “There are 15 girls nominated for this category and I’m proud to say that I’ve fucked every one of them!” John Wayne couldn’t have said it better. I didn’t know who this was at the time but later learned it was Evan Stone. I’ve come to understand this would be the akin to Tom Hanks proudly claiming participation in DP scenes with all five nominees — Hillary Swank, Cate Blanchett, Diane Lane, Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep. The stuff of award show legend.

STDs aside, porn stars face less danger on set than mainstream actors. Big budgets and the need for realism cost the lives of Brandon Lee, Vic Morrow and countless stuntmen throughout American cinema history. Carpel tunnel of the neck always a fear, porn certainly has it’s share of injuries.

Because the walk-on role that Dad sets up on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” won’t get you noticed at BangBros.com. Yes, but forensics might have insight on whatever is discoloring that badonkadonk [NSFW].

Because porn film titles are much more fun!!! “The Curious Case of Benjamin’s Butthole,” “On Golden Blonde,” “Clitty Clitty Bang Bang,” “Breakfast On Tiffany,” “The Devil Wears Nada,” “All That Jizz,” “Saturday Night Beaver,” “Sperms of Endearment,” “Honey, I Blew Everybody.” I remember watching “Field of Creams” in the early 90’s and “if you build it, he will come” had an entirely different range of possibilities. “Howard’s End” and “The Bone Collector” sound like porn films but aren’t, forcing industry minds to do a 180.

This is why the “Snatch” porn parity was called, “The Muscular Canal Extending From the Vulva to the Cervix of the Uterus in Female Mammals.”

She’s since been disowned by her family and what’s a father to do? Laurence said, “You used your last name. No one uses their real name in porn.”

You’re both right, the name’s the biggest mistake on her part. Problem is, Montana Fishburne really isn’t a bad porn name when you think about it. It sounds like Laurence would have been fine had she kept her first name, so might I suggest …

“Montana Fishburn.”

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