Sunday December 17th 2017

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A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
$10.36
This classic 16 oz pint glass features Ralphie with his broken glasses and the classic line "You'll Shoot Your ...

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.
$69.95
Stomp around town this Halloween as Godzilla, in this inflatable monster costume. Includes themed inflatable jumpsuit with battery operated fan ...

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.
$79.95
Based on the designs of superstar artist Gary Frank, this Superman statue renders the Man of Steel in a metallic ...

Random Products

A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
$10.36
This classic 16 oz pint glass features Ralphie with his broken glasses and the classic line "You'll Shoot Your ...

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.
$69.95
Stomp around town this Halloween as Godzilla, in this inflatable monster costume. Includes themed inflatable jumpsuit with battery operated fan ...

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.
$79.95
Based on the designs of superstar artist Gary Frank, this Superman statue renders the Man of Steel in a metallic ...

Star Wars 3D!! Like 2D plus a D

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The Star Wars franchise will be re-released in 3D starting in 2012, because Lord (Vader) knows these stories must be told. Set to debut in order, Episode I – “The Phantom Menace” will be followed annually until Episode VI – “Return of the Jedi” in 2017, when another technology will undoubtedly allow George Lucas to pump the same teat once again.

I love this 3D phenomenon. I thought that “My Dinner with Andre” was amazing in 3D. It felt like I was actually sitting at the table.

Hollywood, this new prism you’ve given us is fascinating. You’ve found a new toy and that’s so wonderful. I do have to ask though, is it written somewhere that you must now use these fancy trappings of depth and dimension to show us every damn story we’ve already seen? Might you possibly share with us some new tales?

Re-imagining: Alice in Wonderland, Clash of the Titans, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Children of the Corn, Scanners, A Christmas Carol, Beowulf, Halloween, Fright Night, My Bloody Valentine, Buck Rogers, Gulliver’s Travels, Piranha, Yogi Bear, The Nutcracker, The Three Musketeers — plus sequels to Shrek, Toy Story, Step Up, Resident Evil, Jackass, Saw, Ice Age, Tron, Zombieland, Hellraiser, Final Destination, Cats & Dogs, Kung Fu Panda, CarsPirates of the Caribbean, Spy Kids, Happy Feet. We’re looking at the new “it” media and I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, unless Lorne Michaels decides to make a film adaptation of that character and thinks that 2D simply won’t do.

Titanic will be converted for theatrical release in 2011, in the hopes that James Cameron can somehow benefit from this technology. That’s right, the same James Cameron who blew the 3D roof off the dump with Avatar and now feels the need to take a big Na’vi poo on every director who tries to follow suit.


The trend is certainly there — wide release 3-D films in 2007: 2; 2008: 3; 2009: 12; 2010: 25; 2011: 31 — but the jury. is. still. out.

Sensurround was big in the 70s and every big disaster film was accented by seats that moved to the vibration but, same as 3D, ticket prices were also accented with up to a 50% surcharge. Add the rental fee for glasses that never seem to make anyone look more attractive and I’m starting to wonder if profit is somehow Hollywood’s motive. I don’t want to be cynical.

Porn will soon enter the medium and feel free to insert your own punchline here. I’d just hope they remember to wipe off the lens.

When it calls for it? Sure. Fun, especially in IMAX or a kick-ass action flick. But I planned a paragraph spotlighting movies not to make in 3D and the punchline was: “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.” Turns out, this might be reality and this is exactly what I’m taking about, people.

Typical that Hollywood sees an avenue of daylight and exploits it for all it’s worth and damn the expense of everything else it leaves behind. No ability for the industry to gently fold a gimmick into the mix, it’s always a mad rush to the exits because everyone else is jumping off that bridge. If this is the future, so be it, but the future was otherwise going to include new scripts and stories to tell if 3D hadn’t awakened the industry to the possibilities. It only becomes a gimmick when we’re re-fed the same thing we’ve already paid for and eaten. I don’t need to see rehashing thrown in my face while wearing 3D glasses to know that it’s rehashing being thrown in my face.

What’s also in 3D? Talking to actual people. It’s free.

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