Monday December 18th 2017

Search Store

Random Products

Supernatural Chevy Impala 1:18 Scale Car from Warner Bros.

Supernatural Chevy Impala 1:18 Scale Car from Warner Bros.
$59.95
This Supernatural collectible is a die cast 1:18 scale model of the 1967 Chevy Impala driven by Dean Winchester ...

The Wizard Of Oz Winkie Guards Musical Figurine from Warner Bros.

The Wizard Of Oz Winkie Guards Musical Figurine from Warner Bros.
$79.95
The Wizard of Oz Winkie Guards are featured in this musical figurine titled "Winkie Guards" and plays a sound clip ...

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.
$149.95
Time to chill! Based on the video game Batman: Arkham City and the art of Dave Cortes, this action figure ...

Random Products

Supernatural Chevy Impala 1:18 Scale Car from Warner Bros.

Supernatural Chevy Impala 1:18 Scale Car from Warner Bros.
$59.95
This Supernatural collectible is a die cast 1:18 scale model of the 1967 Chevy Impala driven by Dean Winchester ...

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.
$149.95
Time to chill! Based on the video game Batman: Arkham City and the art of Dave Cortes, this action figure ...

The Wizard Of Oz Winkie Guards Musical Figurine from Warner Bros.

The Wizard Of Oz Winkie Guards Musical Figurine from Warner Bros.
$79.95
The Wizard of Oz Winkie Guards are featured in this musical figurine titled "Winkie Guards" and plays a sound clip ...

A dad’s strip club in vitro

Facebook Twitter Reddit Digg Pinterest Linkedin Tumblr Stumbleupon Delicious Plusone Email

Combining the beneficial theory behind pre-natal music stimulation with reverse psychology, one soon-to-be dad from Mesa, Ariz., is hoping to keep his unborn child on the straight and narrow.

Blasting a steady stream of Mötley Crüe and Notorious B.I.G. into his wife Krissy’s abdominal wall, Charlie Maddux says he’s not only a firm believer in the benefits of in vitro music therapy, he’s dedicated in his quest to keep his little girl off the pole.

It’s long been recognized that a child in its third trimester is receptive to and can recognize music their parents played for them when they were in the womb. Near the seventh month of pregnancy, a baby can hear and feel stimulus from the outside world.

It’s generally understood that sound and language comprehension is accelerated as music stimulates the ear, brain, and body.

Krissy, due on November 23rd, says the couple “always planned on reading to the baby and when we got a set of BellyBuds at the baby shower, we started to research it,” she said. “They say it doesn’t matter if it’s Beethoven or Van Halen, the baby recognizes the music later in life. It really sounded interesting and we wanted to experiment with it.”


About that same time, Charlie says he had a vision.

“One day I heard the opening riff of “Slow Ride” by Foghat and I don’t know what happened but I could hear a DJ reminding us to tip our bartenders and waitresses. All of a sudden, I’m at a strip club in the future,” he said. “The DJ introduces some lady to the main stage and I’m just hoping to hell it isn’t mine. You never want to look up and see your little girl.”

Charlie said he immediately started compiling a playlist that included: “Cherry Pie” – Warrant, “You Shook Me All Night Long” – AC/DC, “Pour Some Sugar On Me” – Def Leppard, “Girls Girls Girls” – Mötley Crüe, “American Woman” – Lenny Kravitz, “Candy Shop” – 50 Cent, “Walk this Way” –  Aerosmith, “Hypnotize” – Notorious B.I.G., and of course Foghat.

“It doesn’t take long into any of these songs to picture a girl strutting on the stage and wrapping herself around a brass pole,” Charlie said. “It just works,” adding that he also mixes in a heavy dose of techno. “Any random techno will work. You have no idea what’ll be popular in 18 years, hopefully 22. The classics will always be there and I want my baby so sick of these songs that she never wants to be in earshot of them.”

This is where reverse psychology comes into play and Charlie admits that initially his daughter may be comfortable with the familiarity of the songs. “I plan to keep playing them as she goes through life, this isn’t just pre-natal. Eventually the sound and rhythms will stain her brain,” he said. “She’ll naturally want to work the pole at age 6 but child labor laws will put an end to that. If she doesn’t grow out of it, I’ll support her when she’s in her teens, which will discourage her because she’ll want to rebel. She won’t pursue it at a later age, which is all I care about.”

Krissy isn’t so convinced. “A friend in my book club tried this with their oldest, she’s 9. They put a pole in her bedroom and she really seems to be taking to it,” she said. “Charlie says they didn’t do enough. He’s up to about 14 hours a day on this. It doesn’t bother me, the baby seems happy. I just worry that if this doesn’t work, we find out we’ve created some kind of “super-stripper” with no weaknesses and there’s no stopping her because the cocaine and pills only make her stronger.”

Charlie refuses to let skepticism enter his mind, to the point that he’s hooked a microphone to the BellyBuds in order to DJ in between songs. “The mic naturally overmodulates, which is perfect,” he said. “Sometimes I’ll say, ‘Amber to the main stage, Jade to the front and Sabrina to the champagne room but first put your hands together for the lovely Candy.’ Those girls use stage names — we’re thinking Amanda or maybe Vanessa and hopefully she never wants to change her name. Either way, the sound of one of those DJ’s should turn her off in an instant.”

When asked what if the baby is a boy, Charlie said, “I never even thought of that.”

>> Follow: @SoapyJohnson on Twitter.

>> Comment: Place it on Lucky Dan on Facebook.

© 2010 – 2013, Soapy Johnson. All rights reserved.

Facebook Twitter Reddit Digg Pinterest Linkedin Tumblr Stumbleupon Delicious Plusone Email