Sunday December 17th 2017

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A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
$10.36
This classic 16 oz pint glass features Ralphie with his broken glasses and the classic line "You'll Shoot Your ...

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.
$69.95
Stomp around town this Halloween as Godzilla, in this inflatable monster costume. Includes themed inflatable jumpsuit with battery operated fan ...

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.
$79.95
Based on the designs of superstar artist Gary Frank, this Superman statue renders the Man of Steel in a metallic ...

Random Products

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.

Superman The Man Of Steel: Metallic Finish Statue By Gary Frank from Warner Bros.
$79.95
Based on the designs of superstar artist Gary Frank, this Superman statue renders the Man of Steel in a metallic ...

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.

Godzilla Deluxe Adult Inflatable Costume from Warner Bros.
$69.95
Stomp around town this Halloween as Godzilla, in this inflatable monster costume. Includes themed inflatable jumpsuit with battery operated fan ...

A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

A Christmas Story You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Retro Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
$10.36
This classic 16 oz pint glass features Ralphie with his broken glasses and the classic line "You'll Shoot Your ...

Anger management with benefits

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We’ve all heard the story — JetBlue flight attendant loses his cool, curses out passengers, pops the escape chute, grabs beer, his luggage and slides off into Kennedy Airport history. If you’re gonna do it, do it and Steven Slater did it.

People wondered what caused him to snap, if he’s done this before or if someone provoked him.

“Why did he do it?”

How did he do it?”

Seriously, how do you get past security running across the tarmac — at JF(-ing)K, no less? He not only gets to his car, he’s able to make it to Queens.


Amazing.

He’s found at his home in a “sexual embrace with his partner” and from that some people were asking if he was gay (he’s legally married, thus the confusion). Look, what a man does in his bedroom is his own business and completely beside the point but if it needs to be settled, the New York Times reported that Slater was the leader of JetBlue’s uniform redesign committee.

There.

“Will he get a reality show?”

“Was this all a set-up “audition” for a reality show?”

“Why is a reality show the first thought when someone new enters public consciousness?”

“And why even mention he was having sex when the cops found him?”

I’ll take that one. Because this is Rock Star 101. Immediately a national hero, albeit one now unemployed, it’s a fairly empowering moment what you just did back there and, hell yes, one can imagine running home and getting your jump on due to the exhilaration and whimsy. Plus you’ve had a few beers and you know you’re going to jail in about 20 minutes. Better toss a good one off while you’ve still got the time.

Everything aside, the only thing that truly interests me in this story is the inflatable emergency slide. What better exit can be made, other than maybe a fire pole? You’ve had it, you’re out of there, you push a button and take the chute. “F-U, suckers.” Sweet exit to the end of a career. It helps that aircraft are actually equipped for this and it’s surprising it’s taken this long for someone to pop the inflatable cherry.

In the every day workplace, this button would become overused quickly. Accountants in the weeks leading up to tax day? Inflatable slide.

Any waiter or waitress with a full section? Inflatable slide. A busy mom? You bet your sweet ass, inflatable slide.

Intern found in the Oval Office? A surprisingly easy getaway. Coach of the Oakland Raiders? Inflatable slide whether you like it or not.

Donald Trump tells a celebrity they’re fired, then pushes a button. Gone.

Inflatable slide manufacturers become stressed and overwhelmed by demand for their product and at some point we learn they too have them installed. Push the button. That’s when we know it’s over.

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