Monday December 18th 2017

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Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.
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Green Arrow Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

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Superman Caped Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

Superman Caped Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
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Random Products

Green Arrow Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

Green Arrow Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
$12.95
This Green Arrow pint glass holds 16 ounces of your favorite beverage and is sure to be a hit at ...

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.

Batman: Arkham City Mr. Freeze Statue By Dave Cortes from Warner Bros.
$149.95
Time to chill! Based on the video game Batman: Arkham City and the art of Dave Cortes, this action figure ...

Superman Caped Pint Glass from Warner Bros.

Superman Caped Pint Glass from Warner Bros.
$14.95
This 16 ounce Superman pint glass comes with a removable cape! Although the glass is dishwasher safe, hand washing is ...

Oh wait, there isn’t a monkey

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This sets a bad precedent. Dodge commercial with the “Dexter” guy voicing a dry approach to just how big this tent sale is, then toss in a monkey as the kicker to show it’s even better. Silly. Funny. It’s the only reason the bit works — the monkey at the end. No monkey, no bit. Otherwise, it’s just a bad, boring car commercial for no reason whatsoever. No monkey, no bit.

PETA complains, saying in part: “when primates are chosen to become animal actors, they are routinely separated from their mothers.” Same with everyone involved with the filming. Everybody everywhere would prefer to be with Mom over whatever we’re doing right now.

So no monkey.

PETA should be championing this — the majority of monkey species are primarily herbivorous. Follow the logic: Dodge could have been spiteful and replaced the chimp with a lion, an animal that requires 15 lbs of meat per day. Dodge chose to comply 100%, however understanding the underlying truth behind “no monkey, no bit,” they zagged while at the same time agreeing to zig. In doing so, PETA’s plea compelled Dodge to employ a digital editor — no doubt a burger-chomping carnivore — to make the monkey invisible. In the end, more meat was consumed as relating to the project, very likely, at the very least, a mouthwatering 8-ounce patty of ground beef grilled to Black Angus perfection. I don’t have to tell you how most digital editors appreciate a delicious half-pound cheeseburger. It goes without saying.


Besides, IT’S A TENT SALE!!! This is not a commercial we’ll be seeing after September. “Tent” should imply “temporary,” just as living underneath one is not a permanent residential option and pitching one usually only happens in the morning. This commercial would have faded away unnoticed, instead it gains life (if Dodge chooses to extend the sale) because the invisible monkey is an icon they can use in a future series. You’ve not heard the last of this faux primate.

PETA also chose the wrong animal to mess with. Under the cloak of invisibility, a monkey can effect more mischief than we’re capable of understanding (think fecal throwing at the zoo times 500). This might have started a war we’re not prepared to fight.

Meanwhile, Suzie is out of a job and this increases the chance that producers opt not to work with monkeys or animals in general. Using the broad brush of missing mommy, anything is game — hence the precedent. At the same time, an underground industry will form, animals forced into motion capture outfits and pressured to perform stunts against a green screen. These animals will be used to recreate the illusion of invisibility and will be beaten severely now that facial recognition is no longer an issue. This industry will thrive and become ultra competive — Michael Vick competitive. You tell me what’s better for Suzie.

All we’ll see is invisible chimps riding invisible horses jumping streams filled with invisible dolphins and none were injured during filming.

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